Behind A Jade Green Mirror
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: [Ryuuji POV] People say that eyes are the windows to the soul. But it's not always so simple as that. Sometimes, eyes are opaque. And sometimes eyes are glass shards. [One-sided Ryuuji/Seto]


Behind A Jade-Green Mirror

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: Written mainly 'cause SOMEONE was hinting at the fact that she wouldn't mind me writing a Seto*Ryuuji. (Won't mention this SOMEONE's name, though. Heh. You know who you are. D) Anyway, I, ummm... I decided to twist this 'hint' and make it Ryuuji*Seto, one-sided. Ryuuji-centric, too. Anyway, enjoy, minna-san! (And yes, this will only be a one-shot. Gomen nasai. I'm also working on all of my other stuff, too! So everything will eventually get updated. Just... Not yet. ^_^;;)

WARNING: SHOUNEN-AI!!! One-sided Ryuuji*Seto. Ryuuji-centric.

DISCLAIMER: At the behest of Lena, the Black Magician Girl is doing this fic's disclaimer. (I knocked out both PM and Black Magician, anyway. Heh. *innocent blink*) Sooo... Carry it away, sister girl!

BMG: *blinks* Well, Neko-chan doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. She also doesn't own my Master and my Craft Master (Yami no Yuugi and the Black Magician, respectively). She may wish that she does, but that's never going to happen, ne? *^_^* Anyway, Neko-chan and I both hope that you enjoy this little story, as badly written as it is! Ja ne, minna-sama!

...-.-;; You're as bad as Yami no Yuugi, PM, AND the Black Magician.

BMG: Domo arigatou! *^___^*

..._ I give up.

  
  
  
  


People have always told me that the eyes are the window to our soul. Just as people have always told me that the windows to _my_ soul are opaque. Which, of course, suits me just fine. I don't particularly like people knowing what I'm feeling and what my soul looks like. I don't. It's none of their business. And they should mind their _own_ business.

Thinking back on this, though, I can finally understand what they meant.

If my eyes are a jade-green mirror, then yours are shattered crystals. Things are reflected in _my_ eyes. In yours... Well, things are sucked into your eyes, never to be seen again. I don't really know if that's your intention (knowing you, it probably is; but, then again, this IS you we're talking about...), but it's an adequate defense against all the money-hungry dogs that surround you day in and day out. Is that your defense against them? To make them terrified to meet your gaze? I've only looked you in the eyes one time and I was scared of what I saw in there. The look in your eyes... It just seemed to scream at me: "No one's home."

_Is_ anybody home? I don't know--and I've stopped caring. It doesn't matter anymore.

You have the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen. They're cold and calculating, but the color of them is so rich and vibrant. If your eyes were warmer, I could have easily gotten lost in their depths. I guess I still could be, as much as I resent admitting that fact...and as much as I'm terrified of that fact, as well.

I like being in control--you know that because you're same the way. Everything has to be neat and organized, I like knowing where everything is. And I also like challenges. Maybe that's why I'm so fascinated by you? Is it because of the fact that I know that you'll be the greatest challenge I'll ever have? You remind me of a puzzle, or maybe one of those jigsaw puzzles. And, from a matter of perspective, you remind me of a game of dice.

Each throw depends on the luck and the skill of each person. Will I ever have the luck to solve _you_, Kaiba? It seems that every single time I've tried, I've rolled snake eyes. It seems hopeless, doesn't it? But I won't give up--I've never given up and I won't start now.

Is this stubbornness? Or determination? Or just being mule-headed? I'll let you answer that.

Sometimes, though, I wonder... Is the reason why I like you so much (I shy away from the very thought or mention of 'love;' I'm deluding myself, aren't I?) because we're both in the same situation? We're both young, yet still extremely rich, each running our own company. You have Kaiba Corporation. And I have my DDM. (Yuugi is also CEO of Pegasus J. Crawford's company and owns 60%* of it, but he doesn't seem to feel the stress of it, does he? He doesn't even care about the monetary value of it, either.) 

Staying up late at night, I sometimes wonder if Yuugi had anything to do with getting my contract. After all, I hadn't gotten the contract until my duel with Yuugi...and until I had told him my story. And he _does_ own 60% of the company, after all... Maybe I'm being too pessimistic. Maybe I'm being too cynical. Or maybe I'm being too amazingly astute and intuitive. Which do you think it is, Kaiba? 

And we're similar in yet another way--We've been taken advantage of. So many people, each vying for control of our companies. It doesn't matter if those people were just everyday people asking for money, or a board of directors (my, how you know THAT so well), or even our own family members. People have still tried to take advantage of us...and we _have_ been taken advantage of. It saddens me; but you aren't saddened by that, are you? You don't seem to care. You just keep forging on, ignoring any and all obstacles in your way. You know what you want, you know how to get it, and you _always_ get it.

My, my. I sound jealous, don't I? Maybe I am.

I've seen the way that you look at Bakura-kun and mou hitori no Yuugi. I've even seen the way that you look at Jyounouchi-kun when you think that he isn't looking. Those are the only times when I see at least a _little_ bit of emotion in your eyes. I can see hunger and passion and lust. Want for things that you _can't_ have, no matter how hard you try. Why? It's because they're all taken. You know that and that's why you want them. To gloat and smirk to yourself when you finally get what you want. And yet... You never look that way towards me.

I know that you would use me.

I know that you would leave me after you use me.

But. I. Don't. Care.

In the beginning, it bothered me. It doesn't. Not anymore. To just be with you, even if it's just for a little bit... I think that it's worth it. But you don't seem to agree. And so you never look at me that way. What will it take, Kaiba? What will it take to make you look at me in that way? You know that I'll do almost anything. It's like I'm starved for your attention, my body aching for your touch and your gaze.

Even if that gaze is filled with ice--blank and with no emotion whatsoever.

It must say a lot about how much I want you if I'm willing to put up with that. But I am. I'm willing to put up with _anything_ if only you'd look at me that way. Yes--_that_ way.

The game I'm playing is dangerous. I know that it is--It's like playing with fire and ice. But, like I already said, I don't care. Not anymore. I'm willing to continue to play this game. You're the puzzle, the mystery, that I have to solve. No matter what, I have to solve you. I have to. I have to. I... I have to.

It's become an obsession.

...

I've tried so hard, and yet it doesn't seem to matter. No, it doesn't. As hard as I try, as often as I try, it just doesn't seem to matter in the least. But I have to keep on trying because if I stop, I don't know what will happen. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore.

"Saraba da," you say. I won't accept that.

I don't know if it's stubbornness. I don't know if it's a stronger emotion... I just don't know. Everything is confused and twisted all around. Thinking this, I'm reminded of a favorite story of mine. "Alice In Wonderland." My, I DO know how the girl felt when she tumbled into Wonderland. And it's all because I'm feeling the same things now. And I don't like it. And yet... I still want you.

...

Did you know that when I look in the mirror now, my eyes are no longer opaque? They're crystal clear. Emeralds, some might say. I prefer jade. But that's the thing--they show my emotions now. I can see emotions flitting across my eyes; confusion, desperation, raw need and want. Liking... And another 'l' word that I refuse to write, think, or even speak. (It's not true! I know that I'm probably deluding myself, but it _can't_ be true!) What happened to my jade-green mirror? I don't want windows. But...

I also don't want shattered crystals.

~ * ~

It's another business party. Kami-sama, how I hate these. A cocktail party--and yet I'm not allowed to drink. You're here, too--I can see you, standing there, nonchalant. You're talking with a huge and well-known American businessman. I know you'll get whatever deal you want from him. How do I know this? It's because you always do.

You simply ooze confidence.

This is one of the few instances where I hate you with a passion.

You're confident and comfortable. I just want to leave. How many more hours do I have to stay here, in this Hell? A quick glance at the clock--too many. Kami-sama, how I just want to leave. But I can't. Not until it's over. ...but how can it ever be over if it continues on forever and ever and ever, merging into eternity and infinity, becoming reality? Kami-sama... Just let me _leave_, already!

You glance up, seeming to almost sense my frustration and rage. You stare at me and I shiver when those ice-blue eyes look me up and down, as if sizing me up. You then smirk and go back to your discussion. Kisama.

Growling to myself, I move in the way of a passing waiter, snagging one of the many cocktails he has on his tray. He knows that I'm underage and is about to say something--I glare and he shuts up. Good. Still growling to myself and scowling darkly, I gulp down the contents of the glass (almost choking and coughing myself to death as the alcohol makes its way down my throat; must remember that alcohol is NOT to be drunken as if it's soda) and make my way around the room.

Kuso. Only two minutes have gone by. TWO!!!

This nightmare is never going to end, is it? I just want to go _home_... I don't belong here. I want to be at my Game Shop, challenging customers to a round of DDM, maybe challenging Yuugi-kun and mou hitori no Yuugi to another duel. _That's_ where I belong, not here in this stuffy room, itching because my suit (or is it a tux??) is made of some artificial material that I can't even _name_. At least I still have my bandana and my earring. At least there's still _something_ about me that I still consider normal. But too much of me is still too un-normal. Like I said--I don't belong here. I don't fit in.

But you do.

I can see how confident you are, the small and courteous smile you give to your speaking companions, the way your eyes sparkle happily as they reply. My, but what would happen if they found out that the happy look in your eyes is just a lie. Or maybe a dream... I don't know.

Oh.

My head feels fuzzy.

Am I drunk?

Maybe I should refrain from drinking in the future. Even if it was just _one_ stupid little glass. Seeing how my vision was a little blurry... I decided that that one little glass certainly packed quite a punch. Everyone was standing on the ceiling. Were they supposed to do that?

I was able to find my way to one of those small side-couches. I didn't know what those side-couches were used for, but I was grateful that one was available for me to sit down on. The world was spinning a little around me. Was it supposed to do that, too?

Snarling unhappily to myself, I sat back, closing my eyes, and hoped that the effects of the drink would soon wear off. As I sat there, I realized that all of my other senses were sharpened. My sense of smell was better. At this, I grimaced. Some old lady had put on too much perfume. My sense of touch had improved, as well. But, most importantly, my sense of hearing had improved.

I could see the deep rumble of male voices, the falsetto tone of the females'. If I concentrated enough, I could even manage to listen to various conversations going on around me. I ignored them, though. Instead, I listened for a particular voice, deep and soothing in tone. I enjoyed listening to his voice, though I would never admit to that fact. I wondered what it was like for Mokuba--falling asleep, listening to that voice, as his 'nii-sama read him a bedtime story. It must have been nice.

I sigh and stand up, ignoring the deep rumble of your voice and how the world tilts to one side. I will walk across the floor! I will and I can! Just watch me, I can show _all_ of you that I'm not as pathetic and dependent as you all think I am... Ignoring that last thought, though. Don't know where it came from. More important things to think about right now, anyway. Like making my way across the ballroom floor without falling flat on my face.

Ooops.

So sorry, ma'am. Won't happen again.

Pardon me, sir.

Yes, nice to meet you. Now please get out of my way.

Oh? We've met before? How nice for you. I have to go now.

Hello. And now--Good-bye.

I finally make my way outside, standing on the balcony as if overlooks these huge gardens. I like gardens for some reason. I like being around green and growing things. In fact, I have a bonsai tree in my office, though no one but my assistant knows about it. I'm proud of my bonsai tree; I haven't killed it off yet. A record, even for me.

As I stand outside, I can feel my head slowly begin to clear. It doesn't clear all the way, but at least it doesn't feel as muzzy and fuzzy and dizzy. I hated that feeling. I am never, ever drinking--ever again. I didn't like the loss of control. And I like staying out here. It's peaceful and resting and I feel _comfortable_--which I sure as hell didn't feel IN THERE. But duty calls and I have to go back. Maybe I can go home soon, though... Kami-sama, how I hope so.

I once again return to the cocktail party (how can a room remain so damn stuffy if it's held in a _ballroom_???). As I wander at the edges of the crowd, trying to remain unnoticed (and being, most definitely, unwanted), my gaze is caught by a mirror. I stop...and just look.

Jade-green... Shifting between being windows to the soul and a mirror to reflect everything back; opaque. As if even _they_ couldn't decide on which they wanted to be. Emotions flitted back and forth, only to be hidden away by an unbreakable seal. Back and forth, back and forth it went.

My eyes shifted a little bit to the left and were pierced by a deep blue gaze--glass shards.

"Everything seems tedious, doesn't it? I know you want to go home," he comments softly.

"Yes..."

"But it's a dance that we have to step to, Otogi. Pleasing others while still managing to get what we want. It's an intricate dance--one that I _know_ you can do, Otogi."

I shrug. "There's a difference between knowing how to do something and actually _wanting_ to do something. I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I just want to be home, playing DDM. But I know that it's different for you. You like all of this. It's all a game to you. But... I'm tired of this, Kaiba. I really and truly am. You can easily get whatever you want. You don't even have to try. Me? Well, I'm just... I'm just tired of trying and never getting what _I_ want."

Glass shards crystalized.

I finally turn around and smile softly at him. "I'm tired of the game, Kaiba. I've played for a long time now. And I'm about to stop." For some sadistic reason, I enjoyed the look of complete and utter shock on his face when I pulled his head down and kissed him deeply. Eventually, our kiss ended. I smiled up at him--and I know that my smile was no longer soft. It was darker and more satisfied--a smirk. "I'm not playing anymore, Kaiba. Saraba da." And I walk away. Before I turn completely, my gaze once again turns to the mirror...

...and a jade green mirror stares back, opaque.

  
  


~Owari~

  
  
  
  


A/N: O_O;; That... Well, I don't know what that was. Mind reviewing and telling me?

  
  


*In the original Japanese series, when Yuugi defeats Pegasus, he gains control of 60% of Pegasus' company and becomes a CEO of it, as well. It isn't mentioned in the dubbed, however. (Thus my theories about how it was _Yuugi_ who was able to give Ryuuji the contract for his game. But my theory only. ^_^)


End file.
